Thursday, August 16, 2007

The RULES

I saw this the other day on Susan's blog, and had to share it. Thanks, Sus!
A Must read...ok I got bored after a while, but the first part is good:

Stampers' Rules of Acquisition
#1) You want it, therefore you need it.
#2) You need it, therefore you must buy it.
#3) All other things you need, including food, shelter, clothing, car insurance, and lunch money, are incidental in comparison to what you need for stamping.
#4) Never add up the total for what you have purchased for stamping.
#5) "If you're not sure you should buy something.........for *whatever* reason........if someone else says they have it and *like* it........then you *have* to buy it!"
#6) If you are compelled to calculate total dollars spent on stamping and related items, never count things that are not actual stamps.
#7) If you are compelled to calculate total dollars spent on stamping and related items, never include items that cannot be traced via the receipt (i.e. -- office supplies are office supplies, gift wrap is gift wrap -- never mind where it ends up in your house....)
#8) When writing checks from the joint checking account, always write "S.W." in the check register.You will know that this stands for Stamp Wares but DH will think it is Safeway when he scans the checkbook to see where you have been shopping. And he KNOWS groceries are expensive, and you need lots of them.... (editor's note: Substitute the grocery store in your cityfor Safeway; here it would be Sentry...[S. is for....])
#9) If a member of your family discards an item that is usable for stamping, you may replace it. For example, your husband receives a shirt as a gift - if he throws the tissue paper away you may purchase a replacement. You do not have to replace it with the same white tissue paper. This applies to candy bar wrappers that your kids throw away too, however they are not permitted to eat the replacement candy!
#10) If everyone else wants it, then you must want it too -- even if you don't know what it is. (case in point -- one word -- "blitzer")
#11) If everyone else wants it, even if you don't know what it is, and you find it on sale, buy it ALL.(Editor's note: This phenomenon is widely known as the SALE factor, and is the only situation in which the Stamper may completely ignore Rules of Acquisition #6 and #7, and announce gleefully how much money s/he has SAVED by purchasing said items. (This suspending of the rules is dependent upon: a) the actual percentage off, b) the total dollar amount spent c) the projected reaction of partner/other interested party. For more detailed worksheet on Rule Suspension see Stampers' Rules of Acquisition Handbook - Chapter 9, Sub-section C, Paragraph 14, and modelon facing page.)
#12) NEVER, NEVER let your DH read the Stamper's Rules of Acquisition........for reasons OBVIOUS to the seasoned stamper. For those of you who are newbies....does "the gig is up"mean anything to you?
#13) Reconciling yourself early to the fact that every trip to the stampstore costs a minimum of $40, even if your intentions were to buy justone sheet of sticker paper, will save you much anxiety and false guilt.
#14) Grabbags MUST be purchased at they time they are advertised. There very likely could bethat ONE special stamp you cannot live without, and the others work for RAKS! If you don't orderimmediately, you may lose that special stamp.
#15) Keep *everything*, no matter how useless or ugly or small it may be. It *will* become absolutely essential for a rubber project some day.
#16) When you buy something, use it before you read the directions.*(*Acquisition reasoning -- if you mess it up or break it, you get to buy another one...)
#17) You can't take it with you applies only to money. Begin gettingyour loved ones accustomed to the fact that you intend to be buried withyour stamps.
#18) Stamping is an inexpensive hobby. This can be proved by applying"Blondes' Logic" to your stamping purchases. For example, no hobby wherethe supplies usually cost under $10 can possibly be as expensive as bigticket, predominately male hobbies such as radio controlled airplanes,restoring vintage automobiles, pro-team season tickets, etc. This justmakes sense.
#19) Every stamper MUST own every type of glue that is on the market. However, s/he may restrict use to her/his favorite.
#20) Whenever a new stamp pad is made available, you must immediately purchase every one of the colors in which it comes.
#21) When getting a stamp for a particular project it is imperative that you buy the same image typefrom a variety of companies (a minimum of 3 is recommended). Once you actually sit down tomake the project you will find that it is much better that you have not limited your selection to just oneoption of the image.
#22) It is essential to have ALL the Fiskar edged scissors even if you know you won't use anything but the deckle edge. You never know when having the Victorian hearts flourish edge won't be PERFECT!
#23) Get all types of markers, don't limit your creativity to just Marveys and LePlumes. Make sure you have a good selection of Tombows, Tria's and even the cheap kind you buy at the market!
#24) The iron is NOT for clothes. Anyone who uses an iron for clothes is excommunicated from theStamper's Union. (Editor's note: You may avoid excommunication by following subsection B pursuant to rule #23 which in layman's terms translates as "you may use an iron for its original perverted purpose only by purchasing an auxiliary iron. However, only the old iron may be used for household purposes. Aforementioned perverted purpose is not one that is condoned by the Stamper's Union and should be performed ONLY by support staff personnel.)
#25) Tissue paper is for making envelopes and for hoarding. Never use it for wrapping packagesunless you have stamped on it first.
#26) There is absolutely NO such thing as too much paper...of any kind. Disregard nasty comments about the two years worth of New York Times stashed in the boxes at the back of the garage.Corollaries here are: a-the complete set of National Geographics is worth the $150...they are actually priceless. b-it is perfectly acceptable to save not only the wrapping paper on your presents, but allthe wrapping paper on everyone's presents...c-EVERYTHING is exotic paper and should be purchased and/or saved. Including the $24 a sheet stuff you saw at the specialty store.
#27) If you think there is a ghost of a chance that you might use it in a future project, buy it now.Cause if you need it later, you can bet a) you won't be able to find it, b) no one will have heard of it and c) there won't be a substitute.
#28) A stamper must purchase appropriate storage containers, shelves, bins, units, etc., for all stamping related purchases. A stamper has the right and responsibility to discard all previously purchased storage systems in order to purchase a new, more appropriate system at any time.
#29) A corollary to number 18 above: Stamping actually saves money. Stampingpromotes the do-it-yourself philosophy. This is evident in theactivities of mounting your own, carving your own, and making your ownpaper. By applying "Blondes' Logic" it can be concluded that you can'tafford not to stamp.
#30) Stamping is your civic duty. Think globally, act locally. Purchasingstamps and supplies is politically correct for the following reasons: 1.) It supports a local business and reduces the number of unemployed;2.) it promotes the arts and feeds starving artists (designers ofstamps); 3.) it supports minority owned businesses (many stamp companiesare run by women); and 4.) buying expensive, imported handmade paperstimulates the economies of developing nations. Thus purchasing stampsupplies is your civic duty. It logically follows that the world would bea better place if everyone stamped. Write your congressmen today tobegin the process of passing legislation making it illegal not to stamp.
#31) If you happen upon a super rs-related deal somewhere and you buy enough foryou and all your friends and your friends buy some from you--the money they give you is free to be used to purchase MORE RS stuff, since it has been "laundered" and isn't technically, coming out of your pocket!
#32 If, in the course of purchasing something, you also purchase something for a friend, the cost of the friend's merchandise is totally exempt from record-keeping. When she pays you back, it's "free money" and may be used for any purpose, particularlyif it involves stamping supplies.
#33 A corollary to Rule #32 is that the money the friend pays back is governed by the laws of "money saved," i.e., money you spend for someone else is "money saved" when returned to you,since you now did not spend that money. The proper phrasing is, "Honey, I bought some cardstock for Sue and she paid me back...boy, did I save some money!"
#34 "Screw it, buy them all!"

2 comments:

Christi said...

That was WAY long but very cute. Thanks for the laugh! :)

Mercy said...

OMG! that is a hoot! i copied it from your blog and sent it to my stampin' buddies. they got a kickout of it, too! have a wonderful weekend!

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